It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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