He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
