his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
