my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
