If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
