I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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