4 words: hood of his car
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ugly people sure do ruin things
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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