you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
