'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
did i just pee glitter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
