I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
