I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
