u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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