He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
foreskin is a definite game changer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
