Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
