it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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