yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
