After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
