I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
