Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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