i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In America we eat man semen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
