why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
