So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
