What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My dad is sitting where you rode me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
