I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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