I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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