It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
