I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
