Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
