My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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