I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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