I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
