it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
