Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
