forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
