She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
