I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
