Taylor Swift is so right about you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
