Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
