Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
