Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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