He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
