I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
