forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you win again, gameday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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