My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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