Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
