Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
