dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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