Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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