Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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