you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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