If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
