Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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