Do vagina's smell?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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