I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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