grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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