It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
