drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
