On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
