You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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