erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
