I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
