My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
