wrigley field is MILF paradise
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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