I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
