I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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