He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
