I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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