I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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