u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
