I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
