Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
