you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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