I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
