life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
