it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
