Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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