I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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