I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
