I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
