There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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