If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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