I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
