Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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