Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
