Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
