My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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