Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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