my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
