My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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