I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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